Plain Desire
by LOLChanny819
Summary: The beat pulsed through the speakers, making me feel alive. Then I saw Chad. I couldn't breathe. And in that moment, I couldn't have been more in love with him. His eyes gleamed as he looked at her. And no, she wasn't me. She was my best friend.


Disclaimer: Nope. I'm sorry. I just…..don't own Sonny with a Chance.

Okay, so I was inspired to write something deep, thanks to unGRACEful. So check out her awesome story if you haven't. Then I came up with this. So I'll save the deep stuff for another day. Here's my story!

Plain Desire

The music pulses through the speakers in a fast rhythm, making me feel alive. Tawni smiles at me from the other side of the room, Nico by her side. They'd make such a cute couple. She mouths something that looks a lot like, "Where's Chad?" but I can't be sure. I shrug my shoulders and turn around so I won't have to face her again.

Ugh, I don't even know why I came to this club in the first place. I'm all alone, with no one to talk to, while Tawni's at the bar, taking shots and chatting it up with Nico. I bet she'll get drunk and go home with him, and I'll have to cover for her. Again.

I roll my eyes and try to focus on the beat, but my thoughts wander back to Tawni and Nico. I can't believe she'd sleep with him. I mean, I know she's drunk and all, and she can't help it, but if Chad knew….

I shook my head. If Chad knew, he'd be crushed. And I only wanted him to be happy. Yep, I've fallen for my best friend's boyfriend. Ugh, I'm such a bad friend. But…..for a while there, I really thought he liked me. I guess I was wrong.

Suddenly, everyone stopped dancing and turned towards the door. That could only mean one thing: the king of drama had arrived.

I followed their glances and saw him. His golden hair was perfectly swept to look like golden dreams, his eyes glistened like raindrops in the light of the dance floor, and his smirk melted the hearts of every single girl in the room. Including me.

My eyes took in his attire; he was wearing a deep red button down and blue jeans, white Air Jordans completing the look. I couldn't breathe.

The room spun until I remembered that he was Tawni's, and that he loved _her_. And I would never mess with that. Because, when it came down to it, I knew she really liked him, and I wanted _her_ to be happy too. Even if it meant I wouldn't be.

I guess you could say I was a pushover, or a slut. That's okay. I'm used to it. I call myself one every night before I fall asleep. If you wanted me to compete with Tawni, then yeah, I'm a pushover. But I like that better almost, because I hate myself a little less that way. Still, having feelings for your best friend's boyfriend makes me kind of a slut. And that's what makes being a pushover worse. The impending guilt, overpowering me every night, slicing me until I'm sobbing, my heart feeling raw and broken.

I wish almost every day that I could have fallen for someone else. And at the same time, I never want to love someone else. Because Chad's everything and anything and something all at the same time. I don't even think he tries. He's just not capable of being nothing. He shines brighter than all the stars. There's just no way to describe it. He's just _him_, and that's what makes him so special. He doesn't have to _try_.

I look around and I can't find him. Oh well. I really shouldn't be looking for him anyway. I sigh, wondering again why I came here tonight. I wish I hadn't, and I blame Tawni that I am. But I know that isn't true. I know I came here to get my mind off of him, to try and find someone else I can see myself falling in love with. I should've known that once you've loved Chad Dylan Cooper, no one can compare.

Sitting down on a bench, I listen to the music, letting it wash away all other thoughts. I'm in my own little blank world (because that's the best place to be now) when I hear it. There's breathing on my neck. "Sonny," the voice whispers.

I scream, and the person chuckles, walking over to face me. "Sonny, it's just me. Don't freak."

And just like that, when I see Chad, I'm instantly calm. I'm whole again, and nothing else matters. I give him a small smile, because he's worth it, but I think he knows I'm out of it. "Hey, Chad."

He gives me a small smile, but it's nothing like the ones he gives Tawni. When he sees her, his whole face lights up, and even though I hate that, I can't help but smile too. Because, my god, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles. (A/N: Anyone know what song that's from?) "Hey, Sonny. You look beautiful tonight."

I can't help but beam now, a blush rising to my cheeks. "Well Cooper, you're looking pretty snazzy yourself."

He chuckles, slinging an arm around my shoulders. This should bother me, but I just let it go, knowing that this may be the only moment I can pretend he's mine. "Sonshine, you should know by now that Chad Dylan Cooper always looks good." I know.

I try not to blush, because he's giving me so many feelings just by draping his arm across me. There's plain desire bursting through my veins, and it's an adrenaline rush like I've never felt before. I never want it to end. Instead, I just roll my eyes, because, hey, that's such a Sonny thing to do. "Wow, Chad. Really?"

I remember the first time I realized that I wasn't Sonny anymore. Sonny was bright and happy, and she got into fights with Chad on a daily basis. I was sad and miserable, just about ready to put out my misery on my own. I wouldn't want to disappoint everybody at the end, though. I wanted to be remembered for being a role model. So I continued living.

Chad smiled again. "Of course. Hey, Sonny, have you seen Tawni?" His arm leaves my shoulder, and I try not to show how empty I feel now.

I nod, because yes, I've seen Tawni, and no, I don't want to ruin you guys. You always were cute together. That's what everybody thought. They don't see the way she treats you sometimes. I do. And I'm always there to make you feel better. But I guess that doesn't really matter to you, does it? Because you love her. "Yeah, she's over there." I point in the direction of the bar, and he grins again.

Chad begins to walk away, flashing me one more quick smile before he leaves. "Thanks."

I watch him leave, taking a deep breath to keep myself in one piece. All I want to do is go home and cry myself to sleep, just like every night. But I can't. I promised myself I'd look for someone tonight.

Instead, I throw myself into the music, dancing until I feel like my lungs are going to burst, singing until my voice is hoarse. Then, when I've succeeded, I drink.

At first I tell myself I'm just going to have one shot, but soon I realize that it takes the pain away. I drink until I feel like I'm flying, and I'm numb. Then Chad walks over. I'm so drunk that he's the only thing I see. Then again, he's always the only thing I see. "Where'd Tawn go?"

I frown at the nickname, my usual subtle jealousy rising to the surface, bubbling over. "Why do you call her that?"

He laughs. "Why are you slurring?" I get the feeling he's mocking me, but as long as he's paying attention right now, I don't really mind.

I frown even more. "I don't know. I told myself I was only…..only gonna have one drink. But then I felt better. So I kept going."

He sighs, putting his hands on my cheeks so I'm looking him in the eyes. "Sonny, what do you mean, 'You felt better'?"

I look at him seriously. "The pain goes away." It comes out in a whisper so intense I surprise even myself.

His sparkling eyes widen, and he pulls me close. I realize now that I'm crying; warm tears are streaming down my face. "What pain?" It's a whisper, but, being so close to him, I can hear it.

I shake my head, burying it into his chest. I'm sobbing now. It seems like everything I've tried so hard to hide has finally gotten to me. I should really stop before I say anything.

"Sonny, what pain?" he asks, this time more urgently, pulling away from me. I look into his liquid ocean eyes, and I see love in them. Love for Tawni, I'm sure.

I tear my gaze away, knowing I can't hurt him like that. My crying is at a standstill too. "Nothing, just forget about it."

I'm not so drunk that I'd tell him the reason he couldn't find Tawni, so I just pretend to look at my cell phone. "Oh, I have a text from Tawni. She said that she got sick and her mom came to pick her up."

Chad rolls his eyes. "I don't give a flying fladoodle about Tawni right now, Sonny. I want to know what's wrong with _you_. What's bothering my Sonshine?" I smile at the word fladoodle, because it's just like Chad to skip the swear word, but soon I'm frowning again. It just hurts too much when he calls me 'his Sonshine.' Because I'm not.

Tears form in my eyes again, threatening to fall over. "Just-just leave me alone! You don't _care_ anyway!"

He looks taken aback. "Sonny, what are you talking about? Of course I care. Why wouldn't I? You're my girlfriend's best friend." He has no idea how hard that hits me. "Plus," he adds on in a whisper, "You're Sonny."

I look into his eyes, and see the love still there. I'm not stupid enough to think it's for me, but, for a second, I wonder if I could just pretend it was. I fall back into his arms, shaking violently once again from sobs. He shushes me, and then looks around. "Here, let's go to your house. It'll have less of a crowd."

I nodded into his chest, and, without a word, he began to walk out of the club, his arms wrapped around me protectively. We left through the back I think. I faintly remember him saying that over my sobs. He said something about the paparazzi. I couldn't really comprehend it much, but I understood enough to know that he didn't want to be seen with me.

He led me to his car and sat me down in the passenger seat, closing the door after me. When he got in, I tried to muffle my cries enough to let him drive, but it wasn't easy. He kept asking me what was wrong on the car ride home, but I never answered him. How do you tell your best friend's boyfriend you're in love with him, and that at the moment his girlfriend's probably sleeping with your co-star?

Finally, we got to my house, and he carried me, bridal style, up the stairs, all the while rubbing circles on my back. It was soothing, and his cologne helped me calm down too. He smelled so _good_.

When we made it to my apartment, I unlocked the door, glad for once that my mom was out working a night shift at the hospital. She really didn't need to see her drunk 17 year old daughter have a mental breakdown.

Chad sat me down on the couch, sitting next to me while grabbing a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapping it around me. I buried my head into his chest again and just cried. He didn't say anything, and everything was okay.

After about a half hour, he pulled away to look me in the eyes, putting his hands on my cheeks just like before. My cheeks tingled with a passion, reacting automatically to his touch. "Sonny, what's wrong?"

I looked at him, his crystal blue eyes penetrating into my soul, searching for an answer. His cologne surrounded me, as did the scent that came off of his skin. His hair tickled my forehead, we were so close, and his warm breath blew in my face. And for once, I couldn't take it anymore. "_Everything_! God, Chad, you don't even know what you do to me! It's all your fault, every last bit! And I _can't_ be mad at you! It isn't _fair_! And you know what? While you're here, comforting your girlfriend's best friend, Tawni's out _sleeping_ with Nico! It isn't the first time either, in case you're wondering! She gets drunk, and I have to cover for her! I'm just sick of it all! I'm sick of Tawni, I'm sick of Nico, I'm sick of _you_, and most importantly, I'm sick of living!"

Chad looked at me, jaw dropped, frozen. I didn't care. I ran to the window I'd always imagined he would come through one day, always hoped he would admit his feelings to me there. And I flung it open, preparing to jump.

He scrambled to his feet immediately, grabbing me around the waist and tugging me back right before I jumped. "Sonny, are you crazy?" Those words stung, and my heart broke a little more. "Or maybe you're just suicidal! Is that it? Whatever the _hell_ is bothering you, you need to fix it! And not like this! I…" His voice lowered to a whisper, almost inaudible. "I don't want to lose you."

I broke away from him, not even caring that he was mad enough to swear. "Stop! Just _stop_! I can't take it any more! Chad, I'm freaking in _love_ with you, and you keep sending me mixed messages! Just-just go find Tawni and make her scream your name. Maybe _then_ she won't go to Nico."

His eyes softened. "Sony, I-I'm sorry. I had no idea. I mean…."

I shook my head. "Just go. It's my problem. I'll deal with it."

He bit his lip. "You aren't going to kill yourself, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "No. Not tonight. Not tomorrow, either. Someday? Maybe. But until I know for sure, I'll just live every day like it's my last."

Chad looked at me for a long moment. "Sonny…..I don't just see you as a friend. And I know it's wrong. I just can't help it."

I looked at him. "What?"

He sighed, plopping down on the couch in defeat. "I think….I have feelings for you. But…I still care about Tawni. And you deserve better than that. Not only half of me. The whole deal. Look, I like you, okay? But….Sonny, I love her."

He sounded so sure. This was better than I had expected though. At least he had a crush on me. "You two are really cute together, Chad. I've always thought that. And hey, don't worry, I'll find my fairy tale with someone else."

He looked at me, his nose wrinkled a little. "That shouldn't bother me as much as it does. But I guess I can't change how I feel. We're pretty messed up, aren't we? But all I want is for you to be happy."

I nodded. "Chad, if Tawni makes you happy, then be happy. I'll be fine. Somehow, I'll make this work. I'm just glad we got this in the open."

He nodded too. "Yeah, she really does. And I'm glad you told me about her and Nico. I'm not going to end things with her. We'll work it out somehow. Besides, with my feelings for you, I guess I can't really judge, now can I?"

My heart beat a little faster when he said the words 'feelings for you.' I walked over to him, putting my right hand on his cheek. "Be happy."

He smiled and nodded. "You too." For a second, he looked into my eyes, and that love was still there. I also saw the feelings he held for me. It's funny how I knew him better than anyone else. Even Tawni. Maybe someday he would choose me, but the possibility wasn't likely. I was broken out of my trance by his words, though they were soft. "I just wonder what it would be like if I chose you. If it wasn't Tawni. I can see that, and…I think I like it. But…with her, it just seems right. I mean, we're the Hollywood It Couple, both conceited, both ready to face Hollywood, looking for attention. But with you, I don't have to pretend. And it's as easy as breathing."

Chad began to lean in. At first, I did too, but then, an inch from his lips, I backed away. "I can't Chad. This is the last step. If we kiss, I'll never let go of you."

He sighed. "It sucks that I don't want you to. But….I still love her. Be happy, Sonshine. And know that you'll always have a little piece of my heart." Then he walked to the door. He opened it up and stepped out into the hallway. Once more, he whispered, "Be happy." And then he was gone.

My heart ached, but, at the same time, I felt more alive than ever before. At least now I knew the truth. And so did he. As long as he was happy, I wouldn't object. And I knew that somehow, somewhere, I would find my prince charming. And I would be happy. Just for Chad.

**Alright, this sucked. First of all, no Channy. Well, there was, but…..you know, yuck, Chawni. Second of all, I hated the end. It was written terribly. Okay, tell me what you thought pretty please, cause I love all of you and your feedback. And we all know hoe the review button feels, too! SMILES!**

**LOL**


End file.
